Long Term Lesbian Relationship In Trouble

Well, I have been reading other peoples concerns and relationship issues, so I have decided to write one also. If for nothing else just to get it out of me and vent a little. I will try to not to go on and on.

I have been in a wonderful relationship with a beautiful woman for about 12 years. But things haven’t been that great lately. We both have 2 kids from marriages that went south before we met. For the most part it has just been the 4 kids and us. I have always had an issue with being a lesbian; it’s hard for me to accept, even though I have known since high school. I come from a very religious family that would not be accepting of my relationship. They think that we are just good friends (or that is what I think they think). We have lived together for about 8 of the years together. She on the other hand has been open with family and friends, no big deal for them or her.

I was in the military when we met and I had to keep our relationship a secret, so when I retired from the military I continued to keep my life a secret, because that is what I have always known. I love my partner a lot and want us to be together, we have been to my family’s houses across the country together and they all like her (as my best friend). They think we live together to financially make it in life. But over the last couple of years we have become “friends” more than “lovers”. There isn’t that much intimacy anymore and it seems like a wall is being built between us.

I couldn’t figure the whole thing out so I started questioning her a few months ago. Only to find out that she is miserable with being kept a secret. I can’t seem to open up to people about myself, not even to my good friends at work. If I don’t do something soon, the time invested with each other will be totally lost. I am more and more depressed that my love for her isn’t enough and that it is possibly too late. I think a lot that I should just set her free and that maybe she would be happier with someone else. Financially we have a lot of bills together which would make it hard to separate, but I am beginning to think it is what needs to be done.

Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.