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Ten Ludicrous and Ridiculous Questions People Ask Lesbians

Being a gay woman, even in today's "bi-crazy (that's an article to come)" society, is still difficult. There is still discrimination, be it from the catholic church denying us rights or African countries trying to kill us. Though, ask any lesbian what the worst part of her sexual identity is, and she'll say it's "getting those stupid questions." Here are all the answers to the top ten questions you've ever wanted to ask a lesbian.

"So, how do you, like, do it?"

How do you do it? Just in and out? If so, I feel very sorry for you sex life. No matter your orientation, sex varies from person to person. Different people like and do different things. Some people like basic missionary, some people like to be hanging upside down from the ceiling with a ball-gag in their mouth. You'll probably not get the same answer from two different dykes.

"Who's the guy?"

Apparently the term "lesbian relationship" isn't descriptive enough. This means there are two girls; no guys. It is true that in some relationships there is a masculine woman and a feminine woman, but this isn't all relationships. Lesbian relationships come as diverse as any relationship. If you think all relationships are "manly, girly," then take a walk out of your own scope and see how much you're missing.

"How do you know you're gay if you've never been with a man?"

How do you know you're Jewish if you've never tried praying to Vishnu? I know that's a kind of faulty analogy, but I just really wanted to say it. The fact is, you know who you're attracted to before you have sex with them. Do you have to sleep with a runway model to know you find her sexy? No, you know that by just looking at her. That's how it is for gays. We can tell when we feel attraction to the same sex by feeling attraction to the same sex.

"When did you become a lesbian?"


This question is the most irritating of all, because it discredits everything the gay movement has been working toward: it's not a choice. Being gay is not a choice, and it's not something you "become." People obviously don't choose who they are attracted to. If a 600 pound woman walked by and smiled at you, do you think you could convince yourself to not cringe at imagining her in a bathing suit? You don't choose who you find sexually attractive. It's ingrained in one's mind.

"Why do you shove it in our faces?"

If holding hands with one's partner; hugging and kissing in public is "shoving it in my face," then straight people are way more guilty of shoving anything in anyone's face than anyone else. There are men and women kissing in movies, men and women hugging on the streets, men and women cuddling on park benches. You know what I do when I don't want to see it? I look away, and respect their right to be in love. I don't whine, "I don't want to see this so you're shoving it in my face." It's good when people display affection. It shows a healthy relationship, and I feel no bitterness toward it.

"Are you sure it isn't just a phase?"

Last time I checked, phases come to an end. And I've been waiting, but this gay thing just wont give up, so I guess it's here to stay. This question is so arrogant. It makes the implication that the lesbian (or gay man) doesn't understand their own attractions or mind. Yes, I know if I'm going to decide I want to stop sexing girls. I'm not. Next question please.

"Were you abused/raped/molested as a child?"

No, where you? What makes someone ask a rude and personal question like that? No, not all gays/lesbians have been abused/raped. And not all people who have been abused/raped are gay/lesbian. I know plenty of straight people who were abused as a child and gay people who weren't. I don't even understand this question. How would being abused as a child make you sexually attracted to women?

"Do you hate men?"

No, not at all. I have plenty of great male friends that I love. Doesn't mean I have to have sex with them. I love kittens, you want me to have sex with them too? Being a lesbian isn't about men whatsoever. It's about women. It's about a sexual attraction to women, not an emotional aversion to men. A lot of this stereotypes come from the "angry lesbian feminists." Thanks a lot, guys.

"Do you move in on the first date?"


No. I also don't wear Birkenstocks or flannel, or men's underwear (okay, well only on hot days). I don't have short hair and I like and wear dresses constantly. I don't know what a carburetor is and I had to be dragged.

kicking and screaming to my softball games. I often don't even know what sport is playing on the telly and have to have my (heterosexual) mother explain it to me. I don't gawk at every big-breasted girl who walks by (in fact, I like 'em small). Sorry if me not fitting your stereotype upsets you.

"Does this mean you can be turned on by your own boobs?"

I generally love getting this question, because it's usually not used as a means to confirming one's prejudice and it rarely comes with any bias or stigma attached to it. It's just general curiosity/ignorance. I usually laugh at it and give a polite, "No."