First of all, I’m not so good in English. Hope U can understand even if sometimes my words turn upside down, lol.
I have a problem, keep messing with my mind. I’m a closet lesbian, no one knows I am. But I ever had a relationship with a girl, but then we broke up because she actually already have bf… and I feel like I’m not really into her… maybe just to fill my loneliness and it was her who bravely said she loved me. There’re many girls attracted to me but I ignored them because I want to concentrate on my studies & don’t want to slip into any problems anymore with this kind of relationship. Oh… for your information, I’m quite boyish & I looked ‘handsome and charming’ – that’s what they said.
But, when I finished my studies & started working, I changed my appearance to a very feminine side (but my cool is still in), tried to change my life. Anyway, I still didn’t have feeling for boys but no relationships with girl too. The problem occurred when I met this woman (she’s already married with 2 sons).  At 1st sight, I didn’t feel anything. But after several meetings, I felt something had bloomed between us. I started to confuse & suffer with the feeling.
Actually, the way she acted caused me headache. I don’t have any clue does she loves me or not. She get closer to me day by day but one day, I made a mistake by ignoring her once (only once), & she keep avoiding me after that… really strange. she looks angry but at the same time she seems wants me to get jealous of her by getting closer with my other friend…It hurts me, not because I’m jealous but because she avoid me, didn’t want to look at me, & didn’t reply me when I’m talking. But I keep talking to her & she started to talk to me after I tried so hard. At 1st, she looked shy & always smiles when talking to me. After that, we became friends as usual and at that time she left my friend… obviously she was only trying to make me jealous.
I’m still confused if she loves me or not. Here is the situation, she treated me n my friends dinner, & my friends get a little surprise because she never treat them before (actually I’m a new worker there). N then there was one boy came to my life, from friends recommendation and she found out, she prevent me to accept him with a reason, go get other handsome man. Actually, I’m not into that boy too. She asked me to hang out again but never got a chance because of work. N she asked me to accompany her to do her work in a very romantic way but I can’t because of work too. She always tried to touch me every time we met. She looks so jealous if I’m with another girl or guy (especially guy)…if she saw it, she won’t speak to me, acts like I’m not there. & there’re many other signs, too long to be told
At the same time, she also made a very opposite signs of attraction. She always mentioned about her husband….I admitted I’m jealous but I won’t show it, I made it like a normal conversation. But the way she tell about her husband was strange…looks like to show off or else to make me jealous once again. She only mentions about her husband in front of me……what’s that mean? I’m suffering with this stuff…don’t know what to do…does she loves me? Or not? But I’m not going to live with her because she has a happy family as I seen. It’s just why does she tortured me like this…plz help me…tell me what did she want? Thank you for your help…