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Lesbian Sex: 10 Ways to Keep the Romance Alive

Rumor has it that those in lesbian relationships have sexual problems after the first few years, or sometimes sooner. Some say that it is because women are less interested in sex than men and that you need a man to keep the passion up. 

I strongly disagree with this hypothesis; I know many women whose sexual desires would rival any man that I have met. Another more likely cause of "lesbian bed death" is that women are more likely to be sensitive and in tune with one another. When you have more empathy for your partner, you are more likely to notice their moods and want to put off sex for a more appropriate time. The problems occur when life takes over, and a more appropriate time never comes.

So what do you do if you find yourself having sex less and less as your relationship progresses? Well, some lesbians may be fine with a less active sex life. It is rare for both partners to be ok with a lack of sexual intimacy though. Physical intimacy is a mirror and also a continuation of emotional intimacy for most of us. It would be wise to discuss the issue carefully with your partner before deciding that you are both OK with the situation as it is. If you decide you need help to improve the situation, here are some ideas for giving you both the push you need to keep the lust as well as the love alive.

1. Schedule sex. There a lot of arguments against this. It kills spontaneity. What if neither of us is in the mood? I don't want physical intimacy with my partner to just be another things on the to do list. The truth is though, if you both know it is on the calendar, and you go in the bedroom and shut the door (if you have kids like I do), there is a pretty good chance it will happen. There might be some giggling and delaying. It is a silly situation, but laughing together is a wonderful way to relax. Even if you don't end up having sex, chances are you will have spent some quality time together that will make it more likely to happen next time.

2. Commit to five minutes of foreplay. Many of us feel that it is always the wrong time. We are too tired or too anxious. Instead of saying "no" and going to sleep, commit to fives minutes of foreplay no expectations. There is a chance that once the five minutes are up you'll both go to sleep or on to other activities. There is a bigger chance that the five minutes will lead to something more.

3. Treat your partner special. The things that matter here are the small things. If she usually does the dishes, do them for her. Offer to rub her feet after a long day at work. Pick up her favorite candy bar the next time you are waiting in line at the store. Remember to compliment her. All of us want to feel special, but after some time, we often forget to treat our loves the way they deserve to be treated. The air in our homes may become one of petty squabbles and worry instead of that of a safe haven of love. Treat your partner special, and the atmosphere will be more conducive to physically intimacy.

4. Read lesbian erotica aloud to each other. Bedtimes stories or Sunday afternoon reading sessions are a great way to increase your libido. It can also open up discussion of fantasies and desires.

5. Share fantasies. This one can be difficult for some of us, but the truth is, the ultimate cure for lesbian bed death is better communication. Sharing fantasies is a step in this direction. If you can't talk about them, perhaps you can write them, and then switch fantasies and read, or read them aloud to each other. Even if you don't want to actually fulfill your fantasies, they can lead to role playing or even just a better libido for your usual sex.

6. Court you partner. Remember back to the days when you were unsure of your relationship. Dress up. Buy her flowers and chocolate. Make a date with her to go to her favorite restaurant. Make her a special dinner at home with flowers on the table and dress for dinner in her favorite outfit. 

7. Try something new! Go together to a toy store and get a new toy. Pick something different from one of your fantasies and give it a try. Push your boundaries a bit. How does sex outside in the backyard under the stars, or if you have the privacy, the afternoon sun sound? If you always have sex in the evenings, why not jump in the sack right after work? If the bed is your usual play spot, try the sofa or the kitchen floor. Doing something different can jump-start a sexual relationship that has become monotonous.

8. Look into self help books or see a counselor. Sometimes all we need to improve our relationships is an outside point of view. The tendency for individuals is to repeat the same thought patterns over and over. There are a plethora of self help books designed to help us have better relationships in general and sex lives in particular. Many of these books are at the library. Go browse the selection and choose some that appeal to the two of you. Not all of these books are going to help everyone, but they can help you see things from a different point of view. If you aren't book people, maybe make an appointment or two with a counselor. Make sure that the counselor is lesbian friendly and that she understands the purpose of your appointment is to improve your sex life.

9. Make sure you know how to turn your partner on. Have you discussed erogenous zones? What little things can you do throughout the day to get her in the mood? Once you know what turns her on, incorporate those things into your day, everyday! It is easy to let this slide. Don't think that you are going to have sex. Especially don't think that you have to have sex. Just do the things that turn her on, and see what happens.

10. Play a game. Make a rule that there will be no sexual self stimulation by either of you for a week. Make a rule that you can't have sex for a week. (It doesn't matter if you haven't had sex for the previous eight weeks, having the rule that you can't is likely to make you want it.) Decide that touching your partner's elbow is a gesture meaning that you are thinking about having sex with her, and then do it a lot! Silly games like this are bound to have you thinking about sex and are likely to lead to a fun time in bed for both of you!

In conclusion, all relationships, not just lesbian ones, have some slowing down of sexual passion as the years go by. Don't think that there is a flaw in your relationship, or that it is over, or that you are doomed to a sexless life. Talk, talk, talk, and then do something about the situation. You will both be glad that you did.